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Monday, April 23, 2007

Don't Let the Minnesota Legislature Liberals Hear About This!

Singer and tree-hugging liberal activist Sheryl Crow has proposed that "a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting" as a way to combat global warming. Specifically she advocates using "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required".

She didn't elaborate on the definition of a "pesky occasion", a "sitting", who would enforce the limitation, how the enforcement would be implemented, or what the penalty for non-compliance should be.

Let's all hope that the Minnesota Legislature doesn't hear about this loony liberal idea because they'll be on it like flies on HF1015. Given some of the legislation proposed this session they apparently think they have the legal and moral authority to regulate any and all aspects of our daily living that they deem necessary for our own good, so this proposal would not be out of the question.

In addition to the environmental good such a law would do, think of the revenue possibilities of a progressive toidy paper tax! Each TP sheet used could be taxed at a base rate X plus an environmental impact fee Y and a "progression coefficient" proportional to the number of sheets used N, yielding a tax obligation of X + NY for any given sheet. The libs in the legislature have already proposed increasing the taxes on certain types of paperwork, so this wouldn't be anything new for them.

Wow! State revenue problems solved! The state could also get into the recycling business by converting existing tax forms and pending legislation summaries into toilet paper (considering the intended use of the recycled product the existing forms are essentially already there).

And if the state runs (no pun intended) short of money just adjust X and/or Y a bit and more money would just magically roll (sorry) into the state coffers. There would also need to be language in the legislation to prevent rogue entrepreneurs from cashing in by helping people evade the tax by manufacturing TP with really large or multiple ply sheets, or rolls consisting of just one really long sheet.

Liberal legislators would need to be really careful in how the bill is worded to give themselves an exemption as they are so full of crap that they could easily end up nullifying their per diem increase.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

This could happen! Would the money collected from the tax go into some sort of flush fund?

4/23/2007 10:19 PM  

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